ALLOWING SADNESS

I wished I hadn’t watched Inside Out when I flew back to the States on Sunday. It is about a little girl’s emotions as she grows up, and at age 11 moves from Wisconsin to California. Her emotions are depicted as the characters Sadness, Joy, Anger, Pain, and Disgust. [If you haven’t watched the movie yet, I would do so before continuing to read.] At first the movie really frustrated me. The idea of someone being controlled solely by their emotions does not sit well with me. Sadness, in particular, annoyed me as she had the habit of touching joyful memories and making them sad memories. As the story progresses you see Joy and Sadness get lost recovering some joyful core memories, leaving the other three emotions to control the girl. The girl acts out to her parents and slowly she loses her love of friends, hockey, and even family. Eventually it gets so bad that she decides to run away from her new home. But just as she is leaving on the bus, Joy and Sadness return the core memories. Joy realizes that Sadness needs to touch some memories with sadness so that her girl can move on. This way the girl can still remember her previous home in a healthy way while looking forward with a positive attitude to her new home. The girl gets off the bus and returns home to realize that she can move on.

Grieving is not fun but it is a necessary part of life. The Friday night before I left was a rough night; I just wanted to watch Netflix and set aside my feelings for awhile. But I had read enough TCK blogs about how TCKs lock up their feelings to know what I was doing. So I closed my computer and started journaling and asking myself the hard questions. I hate to admit it, but those emotions sure came out! I allowed myself to cry about what I was losing in Japan, the friendships and work I had come to love. It was still hard to say goodbye, but I knew I had said a healthy goodbye. Now I can remember Japan with joy and a little sadness and allow myself to move forward with life. It’s more difficult now but in the long run it is healthier.

I would love to hear how you have learned to handle saying goodbye, whether to someone, someplace, or even something! 

Volcano Yakedake as seen from Kamikochi